What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 06:06
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She found it foreign!.
Im still living with it.
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When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What is the dirtiest thing you have witnessed your wife do?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me?
So whats the point in blame.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What does it feel like to "lose your looks" to age?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She loved him until the end.
Why was Boromir corrupted by the One Ring, but not Faramir in The Lord of the Rings?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do nice guys rarely or never win?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was very sick at this time too.
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Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was scared of men, in general
I waited trembling.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
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All the time i was locked up.
I couldn’t, believe it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I never cut or harmed myself..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Who is the beast of Revelation 13?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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I think the readers, may guess!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I could never make a relationship work though!
How do I run away? I'm 15 and live in Oklahoma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What did i know ?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It was going to be , some day.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was 9 years of age.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We were not on the streets..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She married twice! .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He knew the spot.
Put me off passion for life!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So, i spoilt her more .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was seconnd youngest,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But, we were locked up after school.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it wasn’t much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot live in the past .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He resisted the act ,that day.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ive learnt so much.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i lived it daily.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She wouldn,t have been !
We all went to grammer schools
She was in good health!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I will be 64.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My life is so biszare .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
This is soul school!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I don,t even have a pension.
Comes on , in middle age.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I said to her
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My family never makes their pension either.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Would this be the day?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.